The Twilight Saga 4: Breaking Dawn 16. Too-Much-Information Alert

16. excessively-Much-Information AlertI took off early, long before sunrise was due. Id gotten near a little bit of uneasy sleep leaning against the side of the sofa. Edward woke me when Bellas subject was flushed, and he took my spot to cool her backside down. I stretched and decided I was rested sufficiency to get near work d unrivaled.Thank you, Edward said quietly, assisting my plans. If the r placee is clear, theyll go today.Tillet you enjoy.It felt good to get back to my living organism self. I was stiff from sitting still for so long. I extended my stride, working out the kinks.Morning, Jacob,Leah greeted me.Good, youre up. How longs Seth been out?Not out yet,Seth legal opinion sleepily. nigh there. What do you need?You lay down in mind you got a nonher hour in you?Sure thing. No problem.Seth got to his feet indemnify onward, shaking out his fur.Lets make the deep run,It obsolete Leah. Seth, exit the perimeter.Gotcha.Seth stony-broke into an easy jog.Off on an new(prenominal) vampire errand,Leah grumbled.You got a problem with that?Of course not. I precisely love to coddle those darling leeches.Good. Lets see how libertine we sack up run.Okay, Im definitely up forthatLeah was on the far western rim of the perimeter. Rather than cut close to the Cullens house, she stuck to the circle as she raced around to meet me. I sprinted off straight east, knowing that even with the head outset, shed bepassing me soon if I took it easy for even a second.Nose to the ground, Leah. This isnt a race, its a reconnaissance mission.I can do both and still kick your alone nowtI gave her that one. know.She laughed.We took a winding path done the eastern mountains. It wasa long-familiar route. Wed run these mountains when the vampires had left a year ago, making it part of our patrol route to better protect the people here. Then wed pulled back the lines when the Cullens returned. This was their treaty land. nevertheless that fact would probably mean n othing to Sam now. The treaty was dead. The question today was how thin he was willing to spread his force. Was he looking for hurl Cullens to poach on their land or not? Had Jared spoken the truth or taken advantage of the silence surrounded by us?We got deeper and deeper into the mountains without finding some(prenominal) trace of the pack. Fading vampire trails were e precisewhere, and the scents were familiar now. I was breathing them in both day long.I founda heavy, somewhat recent c one timentration on one particular trail all of them coming and spillage here except for Edward. Some reason for gathering that must ease up been forgotten when Edward brought his death pregnant wife home. I gritted my teeth. Wheatver it was, it had nothing to do with me.Leah didnt push herself past me, though she could have now. I was paying much attention to distributively new scent than I was to the speed contest. She kept to my right side, caterpillar tread with me rather than racin g against me.Were acquire pretty far out here,she commented.Yeah. If Sam was catch strays, we should have crossed his trail by now.Makes more sense right now for him to bunker down in La Push,Leah thought. He knows were giving the bloodsuckers triple extra sets of eyes and legs. Hes not personnel casualty to be able to surprise them.This was just a precaution, sincerely.Wouldnt motivation our precious parasites taking unnecessary chances.Nope,I agreed, ignoring the sarcasm.Youve changed so much, Jacob. chew out about one-eighties.Youre not exactly the alike Leah Ive al fashions known and loved, either.True. Am I less annoying than Paul now?Amazingly yes.Ah, sweet success.Congrats.We ran in silence again because. It was probably time to turn around, but neither of us wanted to. It felt nice to run desire this. Wed been complete(a) at the same small circle of atrail for too long. It felt good to stretch our muscles and take the rugged terrain. We werent in a huge hurry, so I thought maybe we should hunt on the way back. Leah was prettyhungry.Yum, yum,she thought sourly.Its all in your head,I told her. Thats the way wolves eat. Its natural. It tastes fine. If you didnt think about it from a human perspective choke up the pep talk, Jacob. Ill hunt I dont have to equivalent itSure, sure,I agreed easily. It wasnt my business if she wanted to make things harder for herself.She didnt add anything for a few secondments I started idea about turning back.Thank you,Leah suddenly told me in a much different tone.For?For letting me be. For letting me stay. Youve been nicer than I had any right to expect, Jacob.Er, no problem. Actually, I mean that. I dont fair game having you here like I thought I would.She snorted, but it was a playful plump. What a glowing commendationDont let it go to your head.Okay if you dont let this go to yours.She paused for a second. think you make a good Alpha. Not in the same way Sam does, but in your own way. Youre worth foll owing, Jacob.My mind went blank with surprise. It took me a second to rec over enough to respond.Er, thanks. Not completely sure Ill be able to enlistment that one from exit to my head, though. Where did that come from?She didnt answer right away, and I followed the wordless direction of her thoughts. She was thinking about the future about what Id said to Jared the other morning. virtually how the time would be up soon, and then Id go back to the forest. About how Id promised that she and Seth would return to the pack when the Cullens were gone___want to stay with you, she told me.The shock shot through my legs, locking my joints. She blew past me and then put on the brakes. Slowly, she walked back to where I was frozen in place.wont be a pain, I swear. I wont follow you around. You can go wherever you want, and Ill go where I want. Youll provided have to put up with me when were both wolves. She paced back and forth in front of me, swishing her long immemorial tail nervousl y. And, as Im planning on quitting as soon as I canmanage it maybe that wont be so often.I didnt know what to say.Im happier now, as a part of your pack, than I have been in years.I want to stay, too,Seth thought quietly. I hadnt realized hed been paying much attention to us as he ran the perimeter. like this pack.Hey, now Seth, this isnt difference to be a pack much longer.I tried to put my thoughts together so they would convince him. Weve got a purpose now, but when after thats over, Im just going to go wolf. Seth, you need a purpose. Youre a good kid. Youre the kind of person who always has a crusade. And theres no way youre leaving La Push now. Youre going to graduate from high school and do something with your life. Youre going to take care of Sue.My issues are not going to mess up your future. that Jacob is rightLeah seconded.Youre agreeing with me?Of course. But none of that applies tome. was on my way out anyway. Ill get a job somewhere away from La Push. perchance take s ome courses at a community college. Get into yoga and meditation to work on my temper issues. And stay a part of this pack for the stake of my mental well-being. Jacob you can see how that makes sense, right? I wont bother you, you wont bother me, everyone is happy.I turned back and started loping slowly toward the west.This is a bit much to sell with, Leah. Let me think about it, kay?Sure. Take your time.It took us longer to make the run back. I wasnt move for speed. I was just trying to concentrate enough that I wouldnt plow headfirst into a tree. Seth was grumbling a little bit in the back of my head, but I was able to can him. He knew I was right. He wasnt going to abandon his mom. He would go back to La Push and protect the tribe like he should.But I couldnt see Leah doing that. And that was just plain scary.A pack of the two of us? No matter the physical surmount, I couldnt imagine the the intimacy of that situation. I wondered if shed really thought it through, or if sh e was just desperate to stay free.Leah didnt say anything as I chewed it over. It was like she was trying to prove how easy it would be if it was just us.We ran into a herd of foul-tailed deer just as the sun was coming up, brightening the clouds a little bit behind us. Leah sighed internally but didnt hesitate. Her lunge was lily-white and efficient graceful, even. She took down the largest one, the buck, before the startled animal fully understood the danger.Not to be outdone, I swooped down on the next largest deer, snapping her neck between my jaws quickly, so she wouldnt feel unnecessary pain. I could feel Leahs disgust warring with her hunger, and I tried to make it easier for her by letting the wolf in me have my head. Id lived all-wolf for long enough that I knew how to be the animal completely, to see his way and think his way. I let the practical instincts take over, letting her feel that, too. She hesitated for a second, but then, tentatively, she seemed to r distribut ively out with her mind and try to see my way. It felt very strange our minds were more closely linked than they had ever been before, because we both were trying to think together.Strange, but it helped her. Her teeth cut through the fur and skin of her kills shoulder, tearing away a thick slab of streaming flesh. Rather than wince away as her human thoughts wanted to, she let her wolf-self react instinctively. It was kind of a numbing thing, a thoughtless thing. It let her eat in peace.It was easy for me to do the same. And I was glad I hadnt forgotten this. This would be my life again soon.Was Leah going to be a part of that life? A week ago, I wouldve found that idea beyond horrifying. I wouldntvebeen able to stand it. But I knew her better now. And, relieved from the constant pain, she wasnt the same wolf. Not the same girl.We ate together until we both were full.Thanks,she told me later as she was cleaning her muzzle and paws against the wet grass. I didnt bother it had just started to drizzle and we had to swim the river again on our way back. Id get clean enough. That wasnt so large, thinking your way.Youre welcome.Seth was dragging when we hit the perimeter. I told him to get some sleep Leah and I would take over the patrol. Seths mind faded into unconsciousness just seconds later.You headed back to the bloodsuckers?Leah asked.Maybe.Its hard for you to be there, but hard to stay away, too. I know how that feels.You know, Leah, you might want to think a little bit about the future, about what you really want to do. My head is not going to be the happiest place on earth. And youll have to suffer right along with me.She thought about how to answer me. Wow, this is going to sound bad. But, honestly, it will be easier to deal with your pain than face mine.Fair enough.I know its going to be bad for you, Jacob. I understand that maybe better than you think. I dont like her, but shes your Sam. Shes everything you want and everything you cant have.I couldnt answer.know its worse for you. At to the lowest degree Sam is happy. At least hes alive and well. I love him enough that I want that. I want him to have whats top hat for him. She sighed. I just dont want to stick around to watch.Do we need to talk about this?I think we do. Because I want you to know that I wont make it worse for you. Hell, maybe Ill even help. I wasntborn a compassionless shrew. I used to be sort of nice, you know.My memory doesnt go that far back.We both laughed once.Im tough about this, Jacob. Im sorry youre in pain. Im sorry its getting worse and not betterThanks, Leah.She thought about the things that were worse, the black pictures in my head, while I tried to tune her out without much success. She was able to look at them with some distance, some perspective, and I had to admit that this was helpful. I could imagine that maybe I would be able to see it that way, too, in a few years.She saw the humorous side of the daily irritations that came from hanging out around vampires. She liked my ragging on Rosalie, chuckling internally and even cut through a few light-hairede jokes in her mind that I might be ableto work in. But then her thoughts turned serious, delaying on Rosalies face in a way that confused me.You know whats crazy?she asked. healthy, almost everything is crazy right now. But what do you mean?That blond vampire you hate so much totally get her perspective.For a second I thought she was making a joke that was in very poor taste. And then, when I realized she was serious, the fury that ripped through me was hard to control. It was a good thing wed spread out to run our watch. If shed been within biting distanceHold up Let me explainDont want to get wind it Im outta here.Wait Waitshe pleaded as I tried to calm myself enough to phase back. Cmon, JakeLeah, this isnt really the best way to convince me that I want to spend more time with you in the future.Yeesh What an overreaction. You dont even know what Im talk of the town aboutSo whatare you talking about?And then she was suddenly the pain-hardened Leah from before. Im talking about being a genetic dead end, Jacob.The vicious edge to her words left me floundering. I hadnt evaluate to have my anger trumped.I dont understand.Youwould, if you werent just like the rest of them. If my female sfu/T she thought the words with a hard, sarcastic tone didnt send you running for cover just like any stupid male, so you could actually pay attention to what it all means.Oh.Yeah, so none of us like to think about that stuff with her. Who would? Of course I remembered Leahs panic that first month after she joined the pack and I remembered cringing away from it just like everyone else. Because she couldnt be pregnant not unless there was some really freaky religious immaculate crap going on. She hadnt been with anyone since Sam. And then, when the weeks dragged on and nothing turned into more nothing, shed realized that her ashes wasnt following the normal patterns anymore. The horror what was she now? Had her body changed because shed become a werewolf? Or had she become a werewolf because her body was wrong? The only female werewolf in the history of forever. Was that because she wasnt as female as she should be?None of us had wanted to deal with that breakdown. Obviously, it wasnt like we could empathize.You know why Sam thinks we imprint,she thought, calmer now.Sure. To carry on the line.Right. To make a bunch of new little werewolves. Survival of the species, genetic override. Youre drawn to the person who gives you the best chance to pass on the wolf gene.I waited for her to tell me where she was qoinq with this.If I was any good for that, Sam would have been drawn tome.Her pain was enough that I broke stride under it.But Im not Theres something wrong with me. I dont have the ability to pass on the gene, apparently, despite my stellar bloodlines. So I become a freak the girlie-wolf good for nothing else. Im a genetic dead en d and we both know it.We do not,I argued with her. Thats just Sams theory. Imprinting happens, but we dont know why. Billy thinks its something else.I know, I know. He thinks youre imprinting to makestronger wolves. Because you and Sam are such humongous monsters bigger than our fathers. But either way, Im still not a candidate. Im Im menopausal. Im twenty years old and Im menopausal.Ugh. I so didnt want to have this conversation. You dont know that, Leah. Its probably just the whole frozen-in-time thing. When you quit your wolf and start getting older again, Im sure things will er pick right back up.might think that except that no ones imprinting onme, notwithstanding my astonishing pedigree. You know, she added thoughtfully, if you werent around, Seth would probably have the best claim to being Alpha through his blood, at least. Of course, no one would ever consider me. You reallywant to imprint, or be imprinted on, or whichever? I demanded. Whats wrong with going out and fall ing in love like a normal person, Leah? Imprinting is just another way of getting your choices taken away from you.Sam, Jared, Paul, Quit they dont seem to mind.None of themhave a mind of their own.You dont want to imprint?Hell, noThats just because youre already in love withher. That would go away, you know, if you imprinted. You wouldnt have to hurt over her anymore.Do you want to forget the way you feel about Sam?She deliberated for a moment. think I do.I sighed. She was in a healthier place than I was.But back to my original point, Jacob. I understand why your blond vampire is so algid in the figurative sense. Shes focused. Shes got her eyes on the prize, right? Because you always want the very most what you can never, ever have.You would act like Rosalie? You would murder person because thats what shes doing, making sure no one interferes with Bellas death you would do that to have a gratify? Since when are you a breeder?I just want the options I dont have, Jacob. Maybe, if there was nothing wrong with me, I would never give it a thought.You would kill for that?I demanded, not letting her extend my question.Thats not what shes doing. I think its more like shes living vicariously. And if Bella askedme to help her withthisShe paused, considering. Even though I dont think too much of her, Id probably do the same as the bloodsucker.A loud snarl ripped through my teeth.Because, if it was turned around, Id want Bella to do that for me. And so would Rosalie. Wed both do it her way.Ugh Youre as bad as they areThats the funny thing about knowing you cant have something. It makes you desperate.And.. . thats my limit Right there. This conversation is over.Fine.It wasnt enough that shed agreed to stop. I wanted a stronger termination than that.I was only about a mile from where Id left my clothes, so I phased back to human and walked. I didnt think about our conversation. Not because there wasnt anything to think about, but because I couldnt stand it. I would not see it that way but it was harder to keep from doing that when Leah had put the thoughts and emotions straight into my head.Yeah, I wasnt running with her when this was finished. She could go be blue in La Push. One little Alpha command before I left for good wasnt going to kill anybody.It was real early when I got to the house. Bella was probably still asleep. I figured Id poke my head in, see what was going on, give em the green light to go hunting, and then find a patch of grass soft enough to sleep on while human. I wasnt phasing back until Leah was asleep.But there was a lot of low mouth going on inside the house, so maybe Bella wasnt sleeping. And then I heard the machinery sound from upstairs again the X-ray? Great. It looked like day quartet on the countdown was starting off with a bang.Alice opened the door for me before I could walk in.She nodded. Hey, wolf.Hey, shortie. Whats going on upstairs? The big room was acquit all the murmurs were on the second floor.Sh e shrugged her pointy little shoulders. Maybe another break. She tried to say the words casually, but I could see the flames in the very back of her eyes. Edward and I werent the only ones who were burning over this. Alice loved Bella, too.Another rib? I asked hoarsely.No. Pelvis this time.Funny how it kept hitting me, like each new thing was a surprise. When was I going to stop being surprised? Each new disaster seemed kinda obvious in hindsight.Alice was agaze at my hands, watching them tremble.Then we were listening to Rosalies voice upstairs.See, I told you I didnt hear a crack. You need your ears checked, Edward.There was no answer.Alice made a face. Edwards going to end up ripping Rose into small pieces, I think. Im surprised she doesnt see that. Or maybe she thinks Emmett will be able to stop him.Ill take Emmett, I offered. You can help Edward with the ripping part.Alice half-smiled.The procession came down the stairs then Edward had Bella this time. She was gripping her t ransfuse of blood in both hands, and her face was white. I could see that, though he compensated for every tiny movement of his body to keep from jostling her, she was hurting.Jake, she whispered, and she smiled through the pain.I stared at her, saying nothing.Edward place Bella carefully on her couch and sat on the floor by her head. I wondered briefly why they didnt leave her upstairs, and then decided at once that it must be Bellas idea. Shed want to act like things were normal, avoid the hospital setup. And he was humoring her. Naturally.Carlisle came down slowly, the last one, his face creased with worry. It made him look old enough to be a doctor for once.Carlisle, I said. We went halfway to Seattle. Theres no sign of the pack. Youre good to go.Thank you, Jacob. This is good timing. Theres much that we need. His black eyes flickered to the cup that Bella was holding so tight.Honestly, I think youre safe to take more than three. Im pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push.Carlisle nodded in agreement. It surprised me how volitionally he took my advice. If you think so. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Rosa Not a chance, Rosalie hissed. Emmett can go with you now.You should hunt, Carlisle said in a gentle voice.His tone didnt soften hers. Ill hunt when he does, she growled, twingeing her head toward Edward and then flipping her hair back.Carlisle sighed.Jasper and Emmett were down the stairs in a flash, and Alice joined them by the glass back door in the same second. Esme flitted to Alices side.Carlisle put his hand on my arm. The icy touch did not feel good, but I didnt jerk away. I held still, half in surprise, and half because I didnt want to hurt his feelings.Thank you, he said again, and then he darted out the door with the other four. My eyes followed them as they flew across the lawn and then disappeared before I took another breath. Their needs must havebeen more urgent than Id imagined.There was n o sound for a minute. I could feel someone glaring at me, and I knew who it would be. Id been planning to take off and get some Zs, but the chance to recrudesce Rosalies morning seemed too good to pass up.So I sauntered over to the armchair next to the one Rosalie had and settled in, sprawling out so that my headwas flex toward Bella and my left foot was near Rosalies face.Ew. Someone put the dog out, she murmured, wrinkling her nose.Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blondes hotshot cells die?She didnt say anything.Well? I asked. Do you know the punch line or not?She looked pointedly at the TV and ignored me.Has she heard it? I asked Edward.There was no humor on his tense face he didnt move his eyes from Bella. But he said, No.Awesome. So youll enjoy this, bloodsucker a blondes brain cells die alone.Rosalie still didnt look at me. I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Dont forget that.Someday, Beauty Queen, youre going to get tire d of just threatening me. Im really looking forward to that.Enough, Jacob, Bella said.I looked down, and she was scowling at me. It looked like yesterdays good mood was long gone.Well, I didnt want to bug her. You want me to take off? I offered.Before I could hope or fear that shed finally gotten tired of me, she blinked, and her frown disappeared. She seemed totally shocked that I would come to that conclusion. No Of course not.I sighed, and I heard Edward sigh very quietly, too. I knew he wished shed get over me, too. Too bad hed never ask her to do anything that might make her unhappy.You look tired, Bella commented.Dead beat, I admitted.Idlike to beat you dead, Rosalie muttered, too low for Bella to hear.I just slumped deeper into the chair, getting comfortable. My bare foot dangled closer to Rosalie, and she stiffened. After a few minutes Bella asked Rosalie for a refill. I felt the wind as Rosalie blew upstairs to get her some more blood. It was really quiet. Might as well t ake a nap, I figured.And then Edward said, Did you say something? in a puzzled tone. Strange. Because no one had said anything, and because Edwards hearing was as good as mine, and he should have known that.He was staring at Bella, and she was staring back. They both looked confused.Me? she asked after a second. I didnt say anything.He moved onto his knees, leaning forward over her, his expression suddenly intense in a whole different way. His black eyes focused on her face.What are you thinking about right now?She stared at him blankly. Nothing. Whats going on?What were you thinking about a minute ago? he asked.Just Esmes island. And feathers.Sounded like total gibberish to me, but then she blushed, and I figured I was better off not knowing. word something else, he whispered.Tike what? Edward, whats going on?His face changed again, and he did something that made my mouth fall open with a pop. I heard a heft up behind me, and I knew that Rosalie was back, and just as flabbergasted as I was.Edward, very lightly, put both of his hands against her huge, round stomach.The f He swallowed. It the baby likes the sound of your voice.There was one short beat of total silence. I could not move a muscle, even to blink. Then Holy crow, you can hear himBella shouted. In the next second, she winced.Edwards hand moved to the top peak of her belly and gently rubbed the spot where it must have kicked her.Shh, he murmured. You startled it him.Her eyes got all wide and full of wonder. She patted the side of her stomach. Sorry, baby.Edward was listening hard, his head tilted toward the bulge.Whats he thinking now? she demanded eagerly.It he or she, is He paused and looked up into her eyes. His eyes were alter with a similar awe only his were more careful and grudging. Hes happy Edward said in an incredulous voice.Her breath caught, and it was impossible not to see the passionate gleam in her eyes. The adoration and the devotion. Big, fat tears overflowed her eyes and ran silently down her face and over her smiling lips.As he stared at her, his face was not frightened or angry or burning or any of the other expressions hed worn since their return. He was marveling with her.Of course youre happy, pretty baby, of course you are, she crooned, pass her stomach while the tears washed her cheeks. How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course youre happy.What did you expect him? Edward asked curiously.She blushed again. I sort of named him. I didnt think you would want well, you know.EJ?Your fathers name was Edward, too.Yes, it was. What ? He paused and then said, Hmm.What?He likes my voice, too.Of course he does. Her tone was almost gloating now. You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldnt love it?Do you have a backup plan? Rosalie asked then, leaning over the back of the sofa with the same wondering, gloating look on her face that was on Bellas. What if hes a she?Bella wiped the back of her hand under her wet eyes. I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee andEsme. I was thinking Ruh-nez-may.Ruhnezmay?R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?No, I like it, Rosalie assured her. Their heads were close together, gold and mahogany. Its beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fitsI still think hes an Edward.Edward was staring off into space, his face blank as he listened.What? Bella asked, her face just glowing away. Whats he thinking now?At first he didnt answer, and then shocking all the rest of us again, three distinct and separategasps he laid his ear tenderly against her belly.He loves you, Edward whispered, sounding dazed. He utterly adores you.In that moment, I knew that I was alone. All alone.I wanted to kick myself when I realized how much Id been counting on that loathsome vampire. How stupid as if you could ever trust a leech Of course he would betray me in the end.Id counted on him to be on my side. Id counted on him to suffer more than I suffered. And, most of a ll, Id counted on him to hate that revolting thing killing Bella more than I hated it.Id trusted him with that.Yet now they were together, the two of them bent over the budding, invisible monster with their eyes lit up like a happy family.And I was all alone with my hatred and the pain that was so bad it was like being tortured. Like being dragged slowly across a bed of razor blades. Pain so bad youd take death with a smile just to get away from it.The heat unlocked my frozen muscles, and I was on my feet.All three of their heads snapped up, and I watched my pain ripple across Edwards face as he trespassed in my head again.Ahh, he choked.I didnt know what I was doing I stood there, trembling, ready to bolt for the very first take to the woods that I could think of.Moving like the strike of a snake, Edward darted to a small end table and ripped something from the drawer there. He tossed it at me, and I caught the object reflexively.Go, Jacob. Get away from here. He didnt say it hars hly he threw the words at me like they were a life preserver. He was helping me find the escape I was dying for.The object in my hand was a set of car keys.